Friday Funnies!

I'm baaack! Sorry I've been a little MIA...sometimes life takes you by the jewels and doesn't let go.

So, I'm here, and it's Friday, so let's laugh.

Kay?



Why Teachers Drink
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar (They play good tunes, too)

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.

The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Easter Extravaganza!

Happy Easter!

Many people take a well earned break around this special time of year. We like to slough off the winter blues, the grass is growing, the sky is bluer, temperatures are rising and there's a feeling of promise in the air.

With leisure time on our hands we may visit the beach, go hiking along trails, visit family and friends - or simply chill out in the back garden at home.

Whatever you're planning make sure you have enough reading material to entertain you - and if you're in the UK where the weather is appalling at the moment, make sure you throw another log on the fire and snuggle down with a good novel!

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This holiday weekend, I've got together with 16 excellent writers who have agreed to offer a selection of books at special prices - we're calling it our 'golden eggs.'
The genre cover humour, anthologies, fantasy, sci-fi, gothic, paranormal, romance, and mystery suspense thrillers. Something for everyone and all for a snip of a price.
And don't forget - I'm participating in a BabyBoomer Blog Hop - some of the books here qualify! If you want more information on that why not  why not join us…read the posts on the Boomer Lit blog Hop, by clicking HERE.

You can also find us on our Facebook page and our Goodreads Group. An excerpt from The Seeds of Time (a boomerlit novel) is at the bottom of this blog post.

So now relax, recline your garden lounger and read! Happy Easter!

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HUMOUR & WOMENS CONTEMPORARY
The Fall of the Misanthrope ~ Louise Wise
Valerie Anthrope's life began going wrong in childhood: her parents, brother and grandmother died in separate incidents and her first boyfriend had a serious accident that ended their relationship. To survive, Valerie unconsciously developed a false persona: a business woman from hell.  But then she met her self-appointed 'fairy godmother' and so begins Valerie's story: The FALL of the Misanthrope.

Fourteen Days Later ~ Sibel Hodge
When accident-prone Helen Grey finds a thong stuffed into the pocket of her boyfriend's best work trousers, it's time for her to move on. His excuse that he needed to dust the photocopier and just thought that it was a rag sounds like a lame excuse. Helen's life is propelled in an unexpected direction after her best friend, Ayshe, sets her a fourteen-day, life-changing challenge. Helen receives a task everyday which she must complete without question. The tasks are designed to build her confidence and boost her self-esteem but all they seem to do is push her closer to Ayshe's brother, Kalem. How will Kalem and Helen get together when she's too foolish to realize that she loves him? How can he fall for her when he is too busy falling prey to her mishaps and too in love with his own perfect girlfriend? How will Kalem's Turkish Cypriot family react when they find out? Is it really possible to change your life in fourteen days?

Sydney's Song ~ Ia Uaro
Olympic fever runs high in the Australian summer of 1999 and 17-year-old Sydney has caught it. Little does she know taking a holiday job in the beehive that is the Olympics' public-transport call centre will be life altering. Shaken by her parents' divorce, the sheltered Aussie is further plagued by abusive callers, obnoxious government agencies, constrictive office rules, and liberated friends. She is trying to negotiate these challenges as her own personal Olympics when Pete finds her. Pete, Boston's former child prodigy whose soothing voice floats across her workstation, sees through Sydney's tough outer shell. Pete knows what it takes to present a dignified front when all you want to do is howl at the moon. Treating their friendship like an art, he invests time and creative effort to pull Sydney out of her despair. Tragedy strikes when an accident leaves Pete with a major brain injury in a Boston hospital. Their families think Sydney is too young to cope with all the complications, but she doesn't agree. After all that he has done for her, Sydney refuses to leave Pete with people who view him only as an endless chore. Deferring her university studies, alone in a foreign land facing new trials, Sydney stays at his side-even when he doesn't recognise her.

ANTHOLOGIES & SHORT STORIES
The Bamboo Mirror ~ Faith Mortimer ~
Mystery-suspense-thriller writer, Faith Mortimer warmly welcomes you to her anthology of short mystery stories, "The Bamboo Mirror". In three of the stories the reader is introduced to sleuth, Diana Rivers who features in Faith's mystery thriller series of full-length novels. In "The Bamboo Mirror" each story has a unique setting, is sometimes psychological and always with a twist in the ending.

Special Delivery! ~ Lia Fairchild
Free flowers every month for a year! Recently widowed Amy was delighted to find that she had won. Flowers had always been a big part of her life. But delivery driver Dave brings more than just bouquets. Can he help Amy find happiness again? Will Amy get even more than she bargained for? Find out in this short story about love, loss, friendship and flowers.

The Society of Sinners ~ Charity Parkerson
"Evil lives in the dark.  We instinctively know this as children." Nestled high in the mountains...The quiet community of Jackson Station is where everyone knows your name and...species? Vampires have existed since almost the beginning of time, but not in the way we have been led to believe. These were not men cursed by the devil but warriors blessed by God to have great strength, agility, and eternal life.  Eternal life came at a price, the price of human blood. Some chose to live within their own society; The Society of Sinners.

The Sky used to be Blue ~ Patrice Fitzgerald
Karma lives in a Silo deep beneath the earth. She isn't sure of much else… only that the wallscreen shows an outside view that is barren and swirling with toxic clouds. Most of the others seem content—except for the ones who jump to their death from the hundred-level spiral staircase. And the ones that are pushed. After the doctor prescribes a special liquid and tells her to avoid tap water, Karma begins to remember a very different world. Despite the fog in her mind, she is convinced that something came before. Such memories are dangerous to talk about, or even to know. She must figure out who can be trusted. The doctor… her husband… or no one at all.

FANTASY, SCI-FI, GOTHIC
Rex Rising ~ Chrystalla Thoma ~
In a world where parasites create new human races, Elei leads a peaceful life -- until a mysterious attack on his boss sends him fleeing with a bullet in his side. Pursued for a secret he does not possess and with the fleet at his heels, he has but one thought: to stay alive. His pursuers aren't inclined to sit down and talk, although that's not the end of Elei's troubles. The two powerful parasites inhabiting his body, at a balance until now, choose this moment to bring him down, leaving Elei with no choice but to trust in people he hardly knows. It won't be long before he realizes he must find out this deadly secret - a secret that might change the fate of his world and everything he has ever known - or die trying.

Island of Secrets ~ Tammie Carke Gibbs
His Uncle was an eccentric determined to prove she existed. Everyone thought the man was crazy. Shane Alexander was determined to prove to the world that his family wasn't crazy... That HE wasn't crazy. It was working... Until he made one mistake...that would change his life forever... and force him to question his own sanity.

Fire in the Blood ~ Ibitz Dale
On Eyidora, the gods of nature are at war, and Earth is in chaos. During a home invasion, seventeen-year-old Haley is tumbled to Eydora. Alone, afraid and confused, Haley just wants to go home to Earth...but the gods have other plans. With her stone of power, Haley must stop the war...but two men stand in her way. Haley's forced to make a choice that will decide the fate of all the worlds. But who should she trust, who should she fight, and who is the one with fire in his blood bent on betraying them all?

Cruxim ~ Karin Cox
Amedeo is Cruxim, a mysterious, immortal fallen angel. Destined to seek redemption as a vampire hunter, he quenches his insatiable hunger on vampire blood. But when the object of his passion, the novice nun Joslyn, is turned into a vampire and enters a vampire coven, Amedeo's worlds collide. Shattered by the loss of his beloved, he vows to rid the world of vampires once and for all, even if it means destroying Josyln in the process. A Paranormal Game of Cat and Mouse. Joining Amedeo on his quest to rid the world of the undead is Sabine. Half-woman, half-lioness, she is a Sphinx, a Guardian who has protected humans from vampires since the dawn of time. Yet Sabine comes to this fight pursued by her own enemies. An evil scientist, Dr. Claus Gandler, knows the secret of Sabine's mythological past, vowing to torment her for eternity or destroy her forever. Immortal Ever After. Captured by the evil doctor, Amedeo and Sabine are paraded as sideshow freaks in the Circus of Curiosities. Only vampire Joslyn has the power to intercede. Will she prove Amedeo's redemption, or his destruction?

ROMANCE, ROMANTIC SUSPENSE
She Belongs to Me ~ Carmen DeSousa ~
After secrets and a mysterious background leave a wife's life hanging by a thread, a husband must look for answers in the only place he knows--the past. When wealthy construction company owner and Charlotte detective, Jordan Monroe, meets Jaynee for the first time he is awestruck and determines to make her his wife. Jaynee, however, has a history she cannot easily overcome and is fearful to submit to love. Jordan succeeds in making her his wife, but five years into their marriage, he realizes she is keeping secrets.  Before he can decipher her duplicity, he discovers her unconscious in their home from a gunshot wound only hours after giving her an ultimatum concerning their relationship.

Wolfkeepers's Woman ~ Lisa Day
A country where the strong survive. Some people are strong of body. Other people are strong in spirit. The warrior Wolfkeeper is such a man. A man not only physically strong but strong willed with a wisdom beyond his years. A wisdom that serves his people well. Until the day he begins to question how he could have tender feelings for someone he considers an enemy. There were no pangs of conscience when he took the child for his brother and sister-in-law to raise. They had no children of there own. The Mother even though an enemy the infant wouldn’t survive the journey if he hadn’t brought her along. Cassie raised in an orphanage only recently began to believe she found happiness. Now she learned to hate. She just wants her son back. Thrown into an unfamiliar lifestyle and unable to communicate she must learn how to stay alive for her son. She will learn the language. She will follow the rules. She will do anything she needs to get her son back... But will it be enough?

A Very French Affair ~ Faith Mortimer
When Margaret discovers her fiancé is cheating on her, she leaves England for the south of France in search of a new life and a fresh dream. Beautiful yet self-effacing, Margaret is determined to put romance out of her mind and avoid forming personal ties.  Things are looking up, until a series of events draw her into meeting handsome Frenchman Jean-Paul. Despite her reservations, Margaret begins to let down her guard with inevitable consequences.
Can she trust him with her heart?... Has she found a safe haven? Or is she poised on the brink of the abyss...

Return of the Runaway Bride ~ Donna Fasano
Once upon a time...There lived a lovely young woman named Savanna who was engaged to Daniel, a handsome law student. Theirs was to be a fairy-tale wedding. But Savanna's second thoughts were too big to be ignored, so the would-be bride ran away. As the years passed...Daniel's heart turned to ice. It was this unfeeling man that Savanna faced upon her return. The love of her youth was now a stranger. Could Savanna ever make Daniel understand why she abandoned him? And could she convince the man of her dreams he would always be her Prince Charming?

MYSTERY SUSPENSE THRILLER
Children of the Plantation ~ Faith Mortimer
Sexy, feisty sleuth and heroine, Diana Rivers and her partner Steve, decide they deserve a holiday. Trying to relax at their luxurious palm fringed plantation hotel in lush, tropical Malaysia; things don't quite work out as they imagined. Diana is approached by the hotel owner, the enigmatic Miss Chalcot, well-bred, imperious and secretive, to take a look through some old family documents. Miss Chalcot possesses a burning ambition to put right a dreadful wrong that occurred over forty years ago - and Diana is given free rein to pursue the mysterious past of the family and discover what lies behind the dark stories. Diana enters into a world of the 1950's and 1960's, where lies, deceit, illicit love, jealousies and perhaps murder all feature. What really happened all those years ago? Who were Paul, Hermione and the beautiful but selfish Eleanor? Who was responsible for events that shocked the whole family and plunged it into despair? And what is the real story behind the façade?

Take No More ~ Seb Kirby
Julia Blake is a conservator, working with classic art. Her expertise includes imaging beneath the surface of paintings to discover what lies beneath. She is sure that a number of those valuable paintings described as 'missing, believed lost or destroyed' have in fact been overpainted as a means of hiding them when the moral edicts of the past deemed them unsuitable. She has tracked down a collection of pictures in Florence that looks promising and has gone there to try to discover a hidden masterpiece and make her reputation. 'Take No More' begins when James Blake, Julia's husband, returns to their home in London to find that she has been shot and killed. What had brought her back to London unannounced? Why has someone killed her? Blake determines to find her killers. He has little to go on - just her last message to him sent from her mobile phone: 'help me' with an attachment showing Michelangelo's painting 'Leda and the Swan'. There is no help from the police as he is impeded by the unsympathetic Inspector Hendricks who suspects him of the murder.

Double Bind ~ Seb Kirby
Over there. Someone like you. Not just like you. Someone who is you. Author Raymond Bridges has it all - success, money, a gorgeous girlfriend - and is living the good life. But when he wakes up naked in a shopping mall with no memory of who he is or how he got there, he finds his journey to discover the truth is only the beginning of a terrifying nightmare. A shocking psychological thriller that questions the very heart of reality, trust, and loyalty, Double Bind is a must-read that will leave you breathless - and rock the foundation of everything you believe.

#Boomerlit Excerpt from The Seeds of Time ~
(Now in a double volume with part 2 Harvest)

"Richard looked around his surroundings and forestalled him by saying hoarsely, ‘Where’s Connie? Where’s my wife?’ His voice wavered, and he felt his heart thump wildly in his chest. There was silence. No one spoke. All sounds drifted away from him. He was in a dreamlike glide, and the reality was too strange to comprehend. He felt as though his actions were slowing, as if in a slow-motion film, frame by frame passing by. Everything took an eternity: a raised hand placed on his shoulder, a sentence spoken slowly by someone, but everything seen with an achingly clear focus, sharply defined. He imagined her limp in his arms, her head thrown back, and the curve of her throat, so beautiful. She was gone.

The slow world turned crimson red. It spun wildly on its axis and then rushed up to engulf him as his head hit the hard deck with a thump."

Friday Funnies!

Yay! It's Friday! Let's Laugh!

Don't scroll too far past the animals until you have decided upon your answer .............

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,

A Lion , A Chimp , A Giraffe ,

......AND... A Squirrel


They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality.

So think carefully .. . ..

Try and answer within 30 seconds. Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.


V

V

V

:

If your answer is:

Lion = you're dull..

Chimpanzee = you're dense.

Giraffe = you're a complete moron.

Squirrel = you're hopeless.



A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.

Obviously you're stressed and overworked.

You should take some time off and relax

Have two glasses of wine.

A full box of Chocolates.

And a nice lunch.

Now hurry up and forward it to someone else.

They may need those glasses of wine.

Book Review: The Athena Effect, by Derrolyn Anderson

The Athena Effect
Derrolyn Anderson

Initial Thoughts:
Yum! Loved the in-depth and well-written portrayal of the main character.

My Rating: FOUR stars!

Summary (from Goodreads):
Country girl Cali has been kept a secret her entire life, raised in isolation by two very troubled people. Despite her parent’s disturbing fits, Cal is perfectly content, living at one with the nature that surrounds her, and finding adventure inside the pages of her beloved books. When an awful tragedy tears her away from her remote cabin in the woods, nothing she’s ever read has prepared her for a world that she knows very little about.

Girls and motorcycles are what bad-boy Cal’s life is all about. Brought up in a raucous party house by his biker brother, he’s free to do as he pleases, going through the motions on his final days of high school. Aimless, Cal stopped thinking about his future a long time ago.

Attacked by a gang of thugs while running an errand for his brother, Cal is in serious trouble until a fierce girl appears out of nowhere to intervene. She chases off three grown men, sparing Cal a brutal beating before disappearing into the night like a spirit. He can’t stop thinking about his mysterious rescuer, and when she turns out to be the weird new girl at school who goes out of her way to avoid him, he can’t contain his curiosity.

He’s never met anyone like her before, and the more he learns about the unusual girl who shares his nickname, the more he wants to know. Cal can’t help falling for Cal, but can he keep her from falling victim to a dangerous enemy from her parent’s tragic past?

My thoughts:

I loved this main character, Cali. The author did a smash-up job portraying a girl who has lived her whole life without electricity, heat, hot water (oh, the horror!), and friends. Living off the land, completely secluded, with just her parents and the occasional visitor. Imagine her confusion and insecurity when she's plopped into an urban setting. Cali is vulnerable and alone and naive...yet she can kick some serious ass! She is so real and life-like that if I was to meet someone in Cali's situation, Cali is exactly what I would imagine this person being like.

I didn't like Cal as much...at first. He's a player through-and-through. He can get the girls with a wink of an eye, and he knows how to use his assets (hee hee) to his advantage. Again, this character is so real in his portrayal that you have to give the author props. The games people play, what they're thinking, what they're after...all extremely well done.

It got to the point where even *I* started to believe Cal's feelings for Cali (I have to admit, I don't blame her for being wary). What the summary doesn't get in to is Cali's unnatural ability to see people's auras, so she knows what they're feeling...hard to slip a lie past this girl. 

My favorite part of this story was when Cali was telling Cal how she killed a mountain lion with a jack knife. Shocked, Cal asked her what her parents did about it. Cali's response was hysterical: "They got me a bigger knife." What made it so funny is Cali has no idea how completely insane and out-of-the-park that concept is. She's so unassuming, she thinks all girls would have done the same thing. She didn't think twice about it. Loved it! 

I think I would have preferred a little more focus on the supernatural aspect of the story and a little less on the 2 characters coming together...which is a good 75% of the story. The story really got exciting when the evil mastermind started to get involved, but by that time the story was almost over, and, for me, there wasn't enough time spent on building up a suspenseful ending. It just kind of happened quickly with a lot of unresolved issues in the end...which made the ending feel a little flat. 

But the story continues in the next book, and I will keep reading this series.