Friday Funnies!

Yay! It's Friday! So sit back and relax with a grin.


These are from a book called “Disorder in the Courts” and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' 

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 

WITNESS: My name is Susan! 

____________________________

 ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 

____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 

WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 

____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th. 

ATTORNEY: What year? 

WITNESS: Every year. 

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 

WITNESS: Forty-five years. 

________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 

WITNESS: Yes. 

TTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 

WITNESS: I forget.. 

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 

____________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 

WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.

 ___________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

_________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 

WITNESS: Yes. 

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 

WITNESS: Getting laid 

____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? 

WITNESS: Yes. 

ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 

WITNESS: None. 

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 

WITNESS: By death.. 

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 

WITNESS: Take a guess. 

___________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard 

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

 WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 

WITNESS: Oral...

 _________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM 

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

 ____________________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 

______________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 

WITNESS: No. 

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 

WITNESS: No. 

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 

WITNESS: No.. 

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. 

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Book Review: Hyde, by Lauren Stewart

Hyde
Lauren Stewart

Initial Thoughts: Intriguing!

My Rating: 5 Stars

Summary:
This novel is intended for adults only. It includes lots of cursing, descriptive sex, biting sarcasm, and dark themes.

Honesty is impossible when you don't know the truth to begin with.

Mitchell Turner is everything women want most in a man--he's charismatic, successful, and undeniably gorgeous. But he's not a man--he's a monster. By venting his rage 24/7, Mitch keeps people out of the danger zone that surrounds him. But, after the most incredible night of his life, he realizes that might not be possible. Except the woman he wakes up with claims she doesn't remember any of it. And that kind of thing can make a guy insecure.

Eden Colfax is kind, loyal, honest to a fault, and cavity-inducing sweet. To rid herself of the monsters that haunted her broken childhood, Eden doesn't lie, doesn't curse, and definitely never wakes up naked in strangers' beds...until the day she does. Then the flashbacks start--places she's never been, people she's never met, blood she's never spilled. And the only person with any answers is a man she never wants to see again.

What they don't know is that someone is manipulating them, determined to find out exactly what they're capable of. And when the truth leaves them nothing to hold onto, they will be forced into a partnership neither expected. Or wanted.

But in life, who you trust is as important as who you are. And when you can't even trust yourself, sometimes the only person you can rely on is the last person on earth you should be falling for.

My Thoughts:

OK, first I really dug this concept of Jekyll and Hyde in the modern world. From the very first chapter, I loved the writing style, and I loved the characters. It was impossibly sexy and funny at the same time, and I was hooked.

There's mystery and suspense woven in with this incredibly sexy story. You can't help but root for Mitchell, he's so alarmingly bad but in a good way, that you pretty much want to take him to bed. :)

While Eden is, as the author says, cavity-inducing sweet, I don't want to kill her (which I normally would, because really, no one's *that* good, and if they are, well, they're boring). I think it's because of this darker side that comes out that has me rooting for her.

Damn, but you root for them both! You want to strangle a few other characters in the novel, and I was pretty glad to see one particular bitch bite it in the end.

The ending has you craving more. Read on!

Book Review: Rua, by Miranda Kavi

Rua
Miranda Kavi

Initial Thoughts: Moved too fast

My Rating: 3 Stars

Summary:
A girl with an unknown destiny.

A boy from a hidden world.

When Celeste starts at a new school in a small, Kansas town, she hears whispering voices, has vivid nightmares, and swarms of blackbirds follow her every move. She is oddly drawn to aloof Rylan, the other new student who has his own secrets. The exact moment she turns seventeen, she wakes to a bedroom full of strange creatures, purple light emanating from her hands, and Rylan breaking in through her bedroom window. He knows what she is . . . Intriguing and deeply romantic, RUA is page-turning YA novel with a supernatural twist.

My Thoughts:

Love the cover. Ain't it beautiful?

So, I was all down for a fae read, cuz I like me some fae. This one was okay for me. The plot seemed to move at a frenzied pace, not giving me time to savor the essence of the story. I didn't get enough to time to feel it.

The book is filled with stereotypes, so the character development is probably about the same as you've read in a hundred other stories. There's really nothing new here, complete with bad boy slipping in through heroine's bedroom window every night and staying till morning while she sleeps. Does *that* sound familiar? Yup, been there, read that.

With that being said, I did like Rylan. He was by far the best character in the book.

I was at times confused with what was going on. That might have to do with the pacing, which as I mentioned went at lightning speed. I would have liked to have spent more time with the world-building.

Book Review: Desire Untamed, by Pamela Palmer

Desire Untamed
Pamela Palmer

Initial Thoughts: Hot and steamy!

My Rating: 4 Stars

Summary:
They are called Feral Warriors—an elite band of immortals who can change shape at will. Sworn to rid the world of evil, consumed by sorcery and seduction, their wild natures are primed for release . . .

Kara MacAllister's quiet small-town life is transformed forever the night a powerful stranger rips her from her home, claiming she is the chosen one—the key to his survival.

Spiriting her away into the rain-soaked night, Lyon reveals a truth Kara can barely credit. She's immortal, and the only one who can save his race. And deep within her, he arouses a fierce, primal hunger beyond anything she's ever imagined.

But only when their lives are threatened by an ancient evil will Kara and Lyon realize they have found a love they would risk their immortal souls to claim . . . and a powerful desire that could never, ever be tamed.

And he begins to wonder if the woman who's stolen his heart is destined to be his salvation...or his doom.

My Thoughts:

Okay, usually not a fan of shifters, but I enjoyed this read very much. I think because the story had more to do with plot and character development than focusing on the actual shifting. The steam factor is pretty high; sure to make your hair frizz.

I liked Kara, and I loved Lyon. There are some minor characters I loved as well. I felt their journeys were real and believable. Lyon puts the good of the clan above his own desires ... well, *most* of the time. He slipped a time or two with Kara (wink wink). The man just couldn't help himself!

Parts of it were a little too predictable. Knew who the bad peeps were, figured out *how* the bad peeps were manipulating everyone. I would have preferred a few more red herrings to keep me guessing at what would happen. Some of the sacrifices in the end did take me a little by surprise, so that's good.

Were there parts of the story that were a little weird? Yeah. Parts of the story that were a little awkward? Yeah. Still enjoyable, especially if you want a little steam in your day (or night).

Book Review: Yakimali's Gift, by Linda Covella

Yakimali's Gift
Linda Covella

Initial Thoughts: Entrancing historical romance!

My Rating: 5 Stars!

Summary:
It’s 1775 in Mexico, New Spain, and 15-year-old Fernanda Marquina, half Pima Indian and half Spanish, can’t seem to live up to her mother’s expectations or fit into the limited female roles of her culture. While she tends her garden, matches wits with buyers and sellers at the weekly market, and avoids Mama’s lectures and the demands of Nicolas, the handsome soldier pursuing her, Fernanda grabs any opportunity to ride the horses she loves, racing across the desert, dreaming of adventure in faraway lands.

But when a tragic accident presents her with the adventure she longed for, it’s at a greater cost than she could have ever imagined. With her family, Fernanda joins Juan Bautista de Anza’s historic colonization expedition to California.

On the arduous four-month journey, Fernanda makes friends with Feliciana, the young widow Fernanda can entrust with her deepest thoughts; Gloria, who becomes the sister Fernanda always wished for; and Gloria’s handsome brother Miguel, gentle one moment, angry the next and, like Fernanda, a mestizo–half Indian and half Spanish. As Fernanda penetrates Miguel’s layers of hidden feelings, she’s torn between him and Nicolas, who has joined the journey in the ranks of Anza’s soldiers and whose plans include marrying Fernanda when they reach California.

But propelling Fernanda along the journey is her search for Mama’s Pima Indian past, a past Mama refused to talk about, a past with secrets that Fernanda is determined to learn. The truths she discovers will change the way she sees her ancestry, her family, and herself.

My Thoughts:

What a ride! This is a YA historical romance with the unique setting of Mexico, California, Spaniards, and Indians. It's an interesting tale of the trek from Mexico to colonize California, and this novel depicts the very real hardships endured during the expedition.

And sprinkled throughout this subtle history lesson, are very real characters whom it would be difficult not to believe were actually part of the expedition. You immediately feel a connection to Fernanda, her inability to accept the stifling constraints of her time (marriage, children, and inferior heritage), and her longing for freedom and adventure and romance. You feel her struggle between wanting to do what's right to please her mother, and longing for something more. And then there's her struggle between a safe marriage, and adventuring into the unknown.

All of the characters are so well drawn and believable. Though Nicolas is more than nice to Fernanda, there's always that hint of superiority and, um, *maleness* which was common for the time when men were truly the boss and law. I loved Miguel, his anger and mystery and the many layers of his character.

The plot moved well, a very visual read and beautiful descriptions that allowed me to picture the scenery. I was rooting for the romantic pair, and was not disappointed in the end!